I’m pleased to announce the publication of this short book, an interview-style biography where I share my thoughts on life, faith, and leadership. This is the second volume in the Tepeyac Leadership Series, and all proceeds from the book go to support the work of the Tepeyac Leadership Initiative, a worthy cause under the capable leadership of my friend Cristofer Pereyra. You can order it here from Amazon.

With the publisher’s permission, I’m printing here an excerpt from the section of the interview where we discuss leadership. For context, this part of the conversation begins after I described some of the boards of directors that I have served on. The first question below is about knowing when to step down to make room for others to take on leadership roles. Enjoy…

228. Laurie: It's important to know when to go on and when to come off boards because a lot of people don't know when to end an activity. Can you talk a little bit about that at all?

229. Aaron: Yes. I think it's important to make room for new ideas. One of the things that can happen with institutions is that they can grow stale, not because the people leading them are not good people with good ideas but just because after a certain period of time, you made your mark and made the contribution that you're going to make, and then you get into a little bit of a maintenance and tinkering mode. You're not necessarily bringing fresh energy or a new perspective. I think this goes for serving on boards and I think it goes for serving in various roles in institutions professionally.

230. I spent sixteen years in academia and in a medical school. The conventional wisdom in medical school was that a new chairman had five years to do something, and most of what they were going to do and most of what they were going to bring to a department would happen in the first couple of years. The idea there is a kind of life cycle to leadership is a valuable one. Different roles in different institutions may span different periods of time in which the natural life cycle of the leadership would run.

231. There are arguments to be made for institutional memory and having people stick around, maybe not in the highest leadership roles, but in supportive roles that have been in a place for thirty years and have seen people come and go. So, there's value to that as well. And there may be value in having someone in a kind of tenured leadership role for decades just to carry on a tradition or provide institutional stability.

232. But institutions, I think, tend to become sort of bureaucratized and sclerotic and require a kind of renewing and refreshing, sometimes just rediscovering their own traditions. It doesn't mean coming in and doing something totally new. It may mean just going deeper into who we are and what we're about and finding other new ways to express that: taking a tradition and digging into it in order to apply it to new circumstances. I think there's a dialectical sort of tension between tradition as kind of steady, solid, predictable, “This is how we've always done things,” and reforming energies that want to try new things. Those things need to be in the right balance.

233. Laurie: The creative tension of “Both/ And.”

234. Aaron: Yes, yes, exactly. But I think there can be a tendency to want to hold on to power, prestige, or a title longer than you need to and not make way for new people. Not to pick on my parent's generation, but I think there's been a tendency among baby boomers, for example, to hang on to power and leadership politically in our society longer than they should and not make way for younger people and younger energy. And so, you see people in Congress and the Presidency that probably need to retire. There's nothing wrong with staying active and engaged as you age as long as you have the health and energy to do so but noticing when you're declining cognitively. Also, just notice when you've been here for decades, and maybe it's time to hang up the boxing gloves and let the younger people get in the ring and take a run at it. I think that's part of self-knowledge and humility.

235. Good leadership requires a certain level of detachment from power, which can become a bit of a drug for people. “What would I do with myself if I'm not in charge?” is not a good place for a leader to be. Maybe your leadership at this point is stepping aside and staying on in an advisory role, mentoring the next generation of leaders and bringing them along—what the psychologist Erik Erikson called Generativity, which he thought characteristic of the tasks to be accomplished later in life. You have a phase in life in which you're making your own contribution, and it's about, “What am I putting into the world?” or “What changes am I trying to make?” But too much of that can become sort of narcissistic. So, recognize when it's time for you to transition into, “Yes, I'm not going to be around forever, and I need to cultivate what the next generation is going to do in this profession.”

236. Laurie: What are the characteristics that we should look for in that next generation of leaders? If you're mentor, what would you look for, or if you are a mentee and you want to develop certain skills, what would be those key characteristics?

237. Aaron: Well, first of all, you have to have a certain level of professional excellence and know-how. It sounds basic to say it, but competence. You're not going to be in a position to lead an organization until you know the organization well, and you know the profession well, and you've achieved some level of excellence in that field. So, master the field. If it's education, become a really good educator or learn the skills necessary for effective administration. So, I think the first thing is competence. You have to be good at something.

238. You know there are people that want to lead before they've mastered whatever it is. “I want to be a leader in the world of science and medicine.” Well, are you a good scientist? Are you a good physician? Do you know cardiology really well? Do you provide really good patient care? Those are the first questions to ask. Or do you just want to be in charge of other people and tell them what to do? Are you just interested in power?

239. So, [pursue] professional excellence first but then [pursue] the ability to inspire other people. I think good leaders want to see other people thrive. I would use my own boss at EPPC, Ryan Anderson, as an example of that. To his great credit, the previous President, Ed Whelan, demonstrated exactly what I described above by recognizing, before his abilities had declined, that he had reached the stage of life when it was time to make room for a younger leader with fresh energy and new ideas. Ryan, who succeeded him, was a successful public intellectual in his thirties. I think he published four or five books in his thirties, and then, when he hit forty, this opportunity came along to be president of EPPC. His wife sort of suggested, “Well, you've kind of made your mark, and maybe you can help people do what you have done. You can help other scholars do good research, get published, get their ideas out there, and sort of make their mark.” That's kind of a generativity notion demonstrated by both Ed and Ryan in their leadership role. A good leader is less concerned about expanding his own CV and growing his own list of publications. Ryan is still writing and publishing, but most of his energy is focused on cultivating the other scholars at EPPC and wanting us to thrive. Ed remains there also to mentor the younger scholars and provided institutional memory.

240. Weak leaders tend to surround themselves with less-than-competent people because they're easier to control. Weak leaders want ‘yes men’ and ‘yes women’—people who will just endorse whatever they want to do, support it, and block and tackle for them.

241. Strong leaders want to surround themselves with really competent people. If I'm the chairman of the psychiatry department, I get really excited to hire someone who's a better psychiatrist than I, who's a better researcher than I, who's a more accomplished whatever than I. I'm not threatened by that. Not, “Oh, maybe he's going to take my job,” or “Maybe other people are going to recognize that he actually has better and more prestigious publications than I have.” No, I rejoice in that because leadership is about cultivating excellence in other people rather than just exercising power, or making myself look good, or being in charge, or having some title attached to my name.

242. Laurie: How does a young person establish that respect in the workplace? When faced with conflict, how do they talk? How do they work?

243. Aaron: I think young people should have a disposition of working quietly and effectively and letting the results speak for themselves; maintaining a certain humility and not needing to draw attention to themselves. If you just do the work really, really well, other people will notice. But if you start putting your work forward to show off, other people will get annoyed—quite rightly! So, pursue excellence and be excellent, but don't fall into the trap of trying to show off or get noticed. You don't have to. If you do really good work people will notice, but be humble about it; have a disposition that is open to learning even if you excel at something naturally.

244. I'll use academia [for an example] just because it's what I know. A young academic in her thirties quickly amasses more publications than someone more senior in the department. Okay, fine. But you still have something to learn from that person who is more senior. So, openness to learning, openness to mentorship and correction, and a non-defensive stance when you are corrected or redirected, I think, are signs of leadership potential.

245. Socrates was the only wise man in Athens because he realized he was not wise, whereas other people thought that they had wisdom. They didn't have that kind of Socratic humility—that wisdom of knowing that there's a lot that I don't know, even if it turns out I'm pretty good at something, kind of doing well, and maybe other people are noticing. But there's always someone who's better. Always [having a] learning mentality, always trying to grow and not trying to show off, letting the results of your work speak for themselves, and assuming I have something to learn from everyone.

246. Laurie: What about people who are struggling with seeing themselves as a leader, or they're struggling even to find purpose or a reason to lead? They're just not sure what they should put their energy and time into. Do you have any words of wisdom for people who may be struggling with that?

247. Aaron: Well, I think it's hard to lead something effectively unless you really care about it and have a passion for it. So, if you're struggling in that regard, one question is, “Do you really have a passion for this thing?”

248. Laurie: How do they find that? How do they find that passion? There are a lot of young people that are kind of lost.

249. Aaron: I think you have to try things. I think you have to stretch yourself and put yourself out there. Many people discover that they're good at something because they step off the ledge and dare to try it. Someone invites them and they've never thought about joining this group, joining this board or contributing to this thing. They may think, “I don't really know what I'm doing here. I don't really know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to try it. I'm going to sort of dive in. I'm going to have a beginner's mind that's open to learning and I'm going to try to get to know the other people involved.” In many cases, I think they discover, “Wow, yes, this is really neat! And I'm good at this aspect of this thing. Maybe I'm not the person who talks and intervenes a lot in the conversations, but I'm really good at staying organized and getting certain kinds of action items done because I'm a very orderly person, and I can prioritize. That's how I make my contribution to this thing.”

250. I think a willingness to try things and to step out of your comfort zone is important. You never grow if you don't stretch yourself and make yourself, at times, a little bit uncomfortable.

251. Laurie: I'm thinking back to where you talked about the boards that you're on, where you're recognized for your competencies, your expertise in terms of the medical and the Catholic Social Teaching, but you were open to stepping off the ledge and being on the board for organizations that you wouldn't necessarily…

252. Aaron: Yes! The Seymour Institute [for Black Church and Policy Studies] is a good example. I think there are two Catholics now on the board. But when I first joined, I was the only Catholic. [I thought], “This is great, but” you know, it's this, “Are these people going like me?” Right? “I'm not one of them.” But of course, they're just beautiful people, and they were so welcoming. So, that was interesting and fun.

253. I've served on that board a long time. I think initially, I told Gene Rivers [the President of Seymour] because of time constraints, I'm only going to do this for three years. I think we're probably pushing eight years now. I can't remember exactly when I joined that board, but it's been a while. I just like it. It's fun, and they're good people.

254. So yes, sometimes, you need to get a little bit outside of your comfort zone, and then you're going to learn something. Inner-city gang-related violence was never an issue that I knew about. It's not that I didn't care about it. I just didn't know much about it. How would you tackle something like this? I had no idea. I'm a kid from the suburbs! But I've learned by serving on that board. There is Seymour's ten-point program. How do you go into a community and engage with local church leadership, local community leadership, and local police and try to address a really, really, really hard problem, a really intractable problem? There are actually ways to do it, but it's difficult.

255. So, there's only one way to learn something, and that's to go places where you don't know things.

256. Laurie: That is a great example of being willing to put yourself out there. Can you talk a little more about the benefits of taking risks and going out of your comfort zone when following Christ?

257. Aaron: Yes, in contemporary society especially, Christians have to be daring. We don't abandon prudence, and in some professional contexts, we have to pick our battles. Maybe this is not the hill I want to die on. Maybe God is calling me to focus more on this issue over there and not lose my job because I am trying to fight this other issue over here. I'm all for careful discernment and prudence, but our tendency today is to hang back too much, to be too cautious and careful, and maybe not to take risks and not to take ventures. When we do that, we cede territory to them, the worldly; we cede territory to the enemies of the Cross of Christ and to those who don't know God, and society continues to decline.

258. I remember reading a homily by Saint John Henry Newman in college. I believe it was essentially asking the question, “What have you ventured for Christ?” Imagine that everything you believe about the Christian Faith turned out not to be true and look at your life. What would you have? What would you have ventured? Given your Catholic Faith, what would be different in your life if you didn't believe any of this stuff? It's a good question to ask ourselves, “What have we ventured for Christ? What have we risked for this proposition of Faith?”

259. Because if the answer is, “Well, you know, if I didn't believe in God, if I didn't believe in the Catholic Faith, I would more or less conduct myself the way I'm conducting myself now” - that might be an indication that perhaps we're not being daring enough. Perhaps we're not venturing enough to try to advance the kingdom of God.

[…]

265. Laurie: Yes, sometimes there are recognition and awards—like the St. Juan Diego Leadership for the World and other awards you've received—but there are also intangible aspects of how you contribute.

266. Aaron: That's right—the most important contributions! I tried to say this in my [St. Juan Diego Leadership for the World] award remarks—there are saints among us, and they're typically not the people receiving the awards. I'd be happy if you quoted some of those lines from that talk [see Appendix] because I really do believe that the real saints are people that we would never know, and from a supernatural perspective, the people doing the most good at advancing the kingdom of God.

267. Most are probably hidden; they're the disabled person who has a profound interior joy when he receives Communion, even if he's nonverbal, and requires the total care of his parents. He may be the holiest person in your parish; he may have the highest place in heaven. God's logic is upside down, and Jesus was serious when he said, “But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.” [Mt19:30] So, that guy may be the real leader in the parish. He may be drawing more Grace down upon the other parishioners than the pastor who gives eloquent homilies or the highly successful, visible personality who receives awards from Catholic groups that happens to attend that parish. That's not God's actual way of doing things. So, the people who receive the awards need to be most careful about the danger of pride and being self-satisfied and to recognize that the kid in your parish with Down Syndrome is probably a lot closer to Jesus than you are. So, you have a lot of work to do! Obviously, I'm grateful for the St. Juan Diego Leadership for the World Award from TLI. I don't want to insult the people who are doing these things. That's great. Recognize good Catholic professionals out there trying to do good work; hold up examples for others to emulate in professional life. All of that is wonderful, but let's keep in mind the perspective of the Gospel.

268. Let's go back and really meditate upon the Beatitudes and what our Lord is saying there. We'll recognize that the greatest sacrifices, the greatest acts of Christian leadership, are probably hidden, and they're probably done by people that no one ever takes any notice of and no one ever sees.

269. Laurie: As you've mentioned, saints are sometimes not the ones you expect, and the leaders are not necessarily the ones that are in the news. But they are leaders. So, this gives an opportunity to shine a spotlight on some of those people that are examples.

270. Aaron: Yes, my friend, Father Rick Sera, who was a priest here in the Diocese of Orange, passed away recently. He died of cancer. I've known him for years. Several years ago, someone in Rome reached out asking [recommendations for], I think, the position of spiritual director at the North American College in Rome, something like that. They wanted someone ideally who's a priest and who also had training in psychology. Father Rick had both a PhD in psychology and his theological training as a priest. I thought, “He's ideal,” and I mentioned that to the person who reached out to me, and they said, “Can you see if he's interested? Sounds like a great candidate!”

271. So, I reached out to Father Rick, and he admitted, “Yes, that sounds like my dream job as a priest, actually. But I have to stay here and care for my disabled brother who has schizophrenia.” So, he passed on it. He continued to care for his brother, who has schizophrenia, until he died. That's leadership, even though he didn't get the prestigious leadership position at the prestigious seminary in Rome. He's an ‘ordinary parish priest’ here. That's real leadership to me.

272. Laurie: Yes. Sacrificial servant leadership. Any other inspirational leaders that are living that have impacted your life?

273. Aaron: Oh, that's a good question. Let me think…

274. My friend Dr. Jay Bhattacharya, who's the new head of the NIH, is a very good man. I just have tremendous respect for him. He was receiving an award at LMU [Loyola Marymount University]. Part of that was giving a lecture and he was allowed to invite someone to give a twenty-minute commentary on his lecture after his talk. He invited me, so I went there, and they gave me a very generous honorarium, especially for academia. They usually don't give large speaking stipends at universities. We have tight, tight budgets, especially for a twenty-minute talk. I was like, “Wow, that's a really generous honorarium.” I saw Jay six months later; we were in Rome together speaking to a group of Catholic politicians. Somehow the LMU event came up in his talk. [Afterwards] I said, “Yes, they gave me a really generous stipend.” And he said, “Oh, yes, that was the award money. I told them to give it to you because you lost your job, whereas I still have my job at Stanford.” He never would have said anything about that had I not brought it up to him. That's just the kind of person he is, so very humble, very generous, very self-effacing and very faithful. So, I just have a lot of respect for Jay. I think he's a real leader, and I'm glad to see that he's been tapped for an important leadership position in science and medicine.

275. There are scholars whose work I'm very fond of. Dr. Iain McGilchrist is a really interesting scholar who writes on the interface of philosophy and science. He's doing important work. My friend Dr. Matthias Desmet is another scholar whose work I admire a lot and who has written about the psychology of totalitarianism.

276. Most of the leaders that come to mind would not be people that the readers are going to know. They're not doing sort of big, publicly known, prestigious things, but they're leaders in their own small way, in their own sphere of influence.

277. Laurie: You might say they are leading a good life! Along those lines, what do you consider the most important part of life, or what has brought you the most joy?

278. Aaron: Well, the things that have brought me the most joy are relationships. Certainly, the Trinitarian God is a relation of three divine persons; God is in His own inner life—relationships. And He created us to be in relationships with others.

279. I think if you ask most people at the end of their life what was most important to them, they would talk about their relationships as they're facing their own mortality. It's not going to be how much money I made. It's not going to be how many awards I got, or how many books I sold, or whatever. What's most important to them is going to be their relationships. Their greatest regrets are going to be broken relationships or relationships that perhaps they were not able to reconcile.

280. So, first and foremost, my relationship with God and then, second, my relationship with my family and my friends, and my colleagues and my coworkers. Those have been the sources of greatest joy and edification, and there's plenty of psychological research that bears this out.

281. There was a famous study called the Harvard Grant Study, which followed people out for several decades (it started in the 1930s) from their college years all the way through to their death. George Vaillant, a psychologist, was one of the lead authors of that study. I brought him to UC Irvine to give a talk several years ago, and he was talking about the findings of that study. His conclusion for that study was basically the meaning of life, the way to find happiness is through love.

282. Basically, the quality of your relationships is the most predictive thing for health, human flourishing and happiness. However, we might want to try to assess that using the metrics of psychology or psychiatry, insofar as we can measure something like happiness or human flourishing, it seems to be related to the quality of people's relationships and their capacity to give and receive love.

283. The people I treat who suffer the most and have been wounded the most are from a lack of love, usually in their early years. The wounds that result from that are so profound and so deep that they can only be healed by God's Love and by God's Grace.

284. So that's what we're made for, and it may sound cliché, but it's nonetheless true: the meaning of life is love and charity—love of God and love of neighbor. Which is, you know, more or less what our Lord tried to tell us.

285. Laurie: And I think that's a perfect wrap, right? Because it's faith, it's leadership, and it's life. That sums it up pretty well. Is there anything we should touch on that we haven't touched on?

286. Aaron: The last thing I'll say is I'm not a fountain of wisdom, but for what it's worth, these are my thoughts in my current stage of life.

287. Laurie: We're all on the journey together!

If you would like to read the rest you can order it here.

The Tepeyac Leadership Series was started to offer contemporary role models of lay Catholic leadership. This second volume features a physician and ethicist whose witness is especially timely. Aaron Kheriaty: on Life, Faith and Leadership is an engaging question-and-answer format between Aaron and Laurie Strom, editor for TLI Publishing. It is structured to give the reader an insight into three concrete areas; the reader may jump into the area or questions he wants to learn about first and explore the rest at his own pace. We hope you find in its pages much inspiration to nurture your own life, faith, and leadership.

Tepeyac Leadership, Inc. (TLI) is a nonprofit organization dedicated to civic leadership development for lay Catholic professionals around the globe. TLI offers a catalyst development experience that equips the Catholic laity to become virtuous leaders, influence the culture and serve the common good.

Laurie Strom, the book's editor, is a Deacon’s wife, grandmother, and a former Executive VP & COO serving the aerospace and automotive industries. Now, she is a mentor, coach, writer, and photographer—praising God and finding science and faith beautifully intertwined.

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